Campaign of Evil

Session 44
DM viewpoint

The party starts in the middle of combat.  On one side are two paladins in hand-to-hand combat with Drax, who is raging.  A third paladin is drowning in the river.  Behind the paladins are four clerics of Belo.  The other side has a crowd of schoolgirls each carrying a pair of jugs.  The crowd of schoolgirls has been thinned by the application of the spell Spike Growth, which has also killed the host of Rajelai.  Guillaume is taking a bonus action to hide.  Landrew is across the river, armed with a special bow.

Drax does some severe damage to a paladin but does not kill him.  He is then turned by the clerics and runs off into the city.  The schoolgirls sprint towards Rajelai and dive onto the cobbles, smashing their jugs which have been filled with oil and holy water.  Immediately Raj ascends with her painbow, and casts Spike Growth again, killing all the schoolgirls.  Landrew shoots a number of arrows from his bow, and upon landing each produces a deafeningly loud obscene tirade.  After a while he fumbles the bow into the river below and goes in after it.  Guillaume shoots an arrow and hides as a bonus action, climbs the wall of a tenement, hides as a bonus action, starts kicking a hole in the roof, and hides as a bonus action.  Somehow he <s>manages to </s><s>steal</s>, <s>cons Rajelai out of,</s> is handed the painbow by Rajelai.  A rainbow is shot, Rajelai yoyos through the tenement causing terror, and a little waif is treated like a Capri Sun by Guillaume.  The remaining enemy retreats in good order.

Attracted, as instructed, by rainbows and screaming inappropriate suggestions thirteen members of the invading force arrive.  An ancient, drunk God of War is pulled out of a bag and pointed in the direction of a fortified bridge and told to attack it with the unfortunate thirteen.

A strange bird flies overhead.

The party, in fine evil form, uses the deaths of their loyal followers as a distraction while they attempt to stealthily infiltrate from the rear.  Drax decides to scream up into the heavens in order to attract the strange bird.  The strange bird turns out to be a huge dragon that wants the money the party stole from him.  Drax attempts to negotiate, then control the dragon.  The dragon breaths lightning and Drax is on the very cusp of death squared.  A sudden piece of inspiration by Guillaume results in an instant plan to distract the dragon and return Drax to the Bog for healing.  Rajelai distracts the dragon so well she is zorched by lightning too, but being incorporeal etc. she remains just mostly dead.  The plan works, Drax existence comes down to a flip of the coin, and this time the Gambling God is merciful.

The session ends with the party in full health, in The Bog, the return point being a street with a building crushed by a dragon landing on it.  By the calculations of the party they must be very close to their objective, a holy pig farm in the middle of a city.

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Session 43

Woody Harrelson was here.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/3f1dzF1MuNg

<iframe height=“360” src=“http://www.youtube.com/embed/3f1dzF1MuNg” width="640"></iframe>

So was Matthew McConaughey.

 

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Session 42
Beloman Part III

Dreams of Landrew.  A looping dream sequence.

…So as I was saying, I'm in dire need of some rest.  I suppose I could carry on a for a bit longer, but not much.  My comrades and I are standing about in the middle of a street which is full of dead Beloman troops.  Seems like a good time to test the out this new amulet thing.  I shift us all to the Shadow Realm so that we can converse in relative privacy.  Weighing our options, we settle in on two paths: either a short rest now or we cross the bridge and take a long rest. 

As this is happening we get a surprise visit from the boss.  Vecna appears and asks what we are up to.  I explain that we are deciding on a course of action for rest, Gilly does some kind of odd handshake and some sort of communication happens between the two.  Vecna then offers use of a comfortable lodge right adjacent to our current location.    Eager to do a bit of exploring in the new realm, we take him up on his offer.

We are led to walk directly through a few walls – pretty bitchin – by Vecna's toady and find ourselves in a large comfortable chamber with several four poster beds.  It's really quite relaxing in here.  Gilly hops in bed first and almost immediately falls asleep.  I'm a little suspicious and test to make sure he's ok, finding nothing wrong, and barely able to keep standing myself i grab the next bed and fall asleep almost immediately.

The most comfortable bed ever, I'm asleep almost immediately.  Odd, I'm going to sleep inside my own dream?  It must be time to wake up?   Feeling the most rested I have ever felt in my life, I stroll back outside to check the situation.  My comrades and I are standing about in the middle of a street which is full of dead Beloman troops.  Seems like a good time to test the out this new amulet thing.  I shift us all to the Shadow Realm so that we can converse in relative privacy.  Weighing our options, we settle in on two paths: either a short rest now or we cross the bridge and take a long rest. 

As this is happening we get a surprise visit from the boss.  Vecna appears and asks what we are up to.  I explain that we are deciding on a course of action for rest, Gilly does some kind of odd handshake and some sort of communication happens between the two.  Vecna then offers use of a comfortable lodge right adjacent to our current location.    Eager to do a bit of exploring in the new realm, we take him up on his offer….. this seems really familiar, de-ja-vu! – anyways, I'm beat, time for a nap!

We are led to walk directly through a few walls – pretty bitchin – by Vecna's toady…..

 

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Session 41
Beloman Part II

Landrew POV

…continued…

… As I'm grasping this Amulet that I pulled off of "Ragnar", The entire scene shifts.  We are able to have a brief, private conversation with my lord, Vecna.  He explains that this is a realm where much is not as it seems.  He warns, of our journey ahead that the pigs are not to be trusted??  Before any of this can sink in, we notice that a large heavily armored Knight enters the tavern and executes Ragnar.  Gilly shouts a warning and we all jump to attention.  Shoving the Amulet back into into my shirt, the room seems to instantly become less shadowy.  

Soldiers are now trying to enter the front door as battle is joined.  Raj quickly possesses Faux Raj, the rest of us jump into combat.  There are a great many troops outside the door lined up to enter.  It dawns on us that we could probably sneak out the back and let our dopplegangers take the fall for us.  Creating a diversion, we try to quickly exit out the back – bribing the tavern keeper as we go.  On retrospect, we probably shouldn't have let him live.

There is a sewer drain in the back courtyard which we use to make a speedy exit, but it's too late.  We've been noticed.  As we find ourselves running thru the sewers, Raj works a little magic to slow down our pursuers.  I find myself wondering if we would have been better off remaining in the shadowy realm and letting the guards cut down our dopplegangers before shifting back to the real world.  Would they have been able to see us?  I'll have to do a more thorough investigation of this thing later.

We reach the end of the sewer line and pop a head up through the gate for a look see.  A troop of dwarves and a large war engine are dispatching some of my army.  Fools, I told them not to waste their lives in such open warfare.  Hopefully the more savvy of the troops are still out there sewing havoc from the shadows.  I'll need to find a way to make examples of those who are wasteful with my property – but that is a matter for another time.  Clearly, we have gone the wrong way in the sewers - we had expected to be approaching the river.

We hightail it back in the direction we came.  As we approach our original entrance, there are troops trying to make their way down.  Several of our party starts to engage, but they are deterred as they feel themselves being drenched in oils from above.

It is decided to lead the guards on a bit of a romp through the city sewer.  We are able to put some distance between us as I aid the party moving through this underground filth like only an experienced street urchin could, yet still they come.  After passing several possible exits, we decide to pop the grate to the surface but then carry further down the tunnel.  I focus my Ki to create a silent area which will hopefully mask the fact we are continuing to rush through the sewers.

Our rouse seems to work briefly, but ultimately they continue the chase – persistent bastards.   Deciding to try out luck on the surface, we head up the next ladder.  We are in luck as the river is near this location.  Following the river for a time, we note a bridge in the distance.  We don't exactly blend in with the populous running thru the streets covered in sewer filth.  Raj, Drax, and I take a quick dip in the river to quickly rinse off.  Gilly won't go near the water.  He may look like an old man, but clearly he is still a small blue boy.  Mental note: remind him to wash his hands before his next feeding.

Our quick side trip to rinse off is enough for our pursuers to catch our tracks again.  We head for the bridge with all possible haste.  It is my intention to duck into an ally and use the ritual of Pass Without Trace.  All those years of walking on rice paper are about to pay off….wait, why didn't I think to use this with my army earlier.  Curse the dimness of my Intellect!

As we round the corner to the ally, we see our old friends from the Valahalla Tavern.  We spend a few moments talking and catching up.  Several brigades of troops pass by and seem to pay us no mind.  Gilly takes some mad bets rolling bones.  His opponent is clearly cheating, but still they seem to pay off at first.. until they don't and he finds himself back at square one.  Drax scores himself a shiny mug of endless ale – i'm sure we'll put that to good use!  I make a similar bet with rolling bones, only i won't be so easily cheated and palm a special trinket – if cheating is allowed, well two can play at that game.  I walk away with a shiny new satchel – it seems to be one of those fancy 'bigger on the inside' deals I've heard drunken fools discuss in pubs.  Maybe there was something to those tall tales.  Learning my lesson, I walk away while I'm ahead.

We talk for a bit longer with our friends.  They are not able to help much with locating the child.  The god of war longs for an army to command.  I tell him we'll keep an eye out and see what we can work out.  We explain that we must take our leave, but will return soon.  He offers to come find us if we are taking too long.  That might come in handy?  Perhaps, in the final battle yet to come, I can reassemble what remains of our troops and give them over for him to command in combat.  Surely the god of war can imbue the green recruits with the benefits of his skills.

Heading toward what seems to be the center of town, we fall behind another brigade of soldiers on the march.  We don't really make much of a point of disguising ourselves, ultimately one of them notices us.  As the battle is about to begin, we all scatter.  Taking a step into a nearby shadow, I find myself arriving in the wrong shadow.  I'm in a small room with two figures writhing about in a rhythmic fashion, outside i can hear a battle raging.   Deciding to try my hand at a little mischief, I try to possess the body of one two figures using the cursed quarterstaff.  She is surprisingly strong and able to repel my  attempt.  Feeling a bit dazed, I abandon hopes of a clever plan – it's not really my strong suit anyway.  Quickly knocking out one of the male, I present his limp, unconscious body to the female.  "Will you accept the blessings of your god in exchange for this one's life?",  I ask.  I take her screams as intent to decline that invitation and therefore neatly snap his neck before silencing her screams with a quick boot to the head.

Taking my leave of that room, I set out to join the battle which seems to have gone silent outside.  Eventually finding my party, I can see that they have dispatched the brigade outside and are collecting spare munitions.  Gilly is informed about the snack I left for him upstairs as I go about seeing what remains of the carnage.

Long night, I'm exhausted.  Some of us still need to sleep.  Time to find a place for some shut-eye.

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Session 40

Landrew POV

After my failed attempt to sneak into the city earlier in the evening, i found myself sitting around a campfire outside the city gate spit balling alternate ideas on entry.  One thing we know for certain is that we are uninterested in laying siege to the city.  Our army lacks the size and experience for such a feat, plus we don't have that kind of time. 

Many ideas are batted around:  We discuss Raj fly over the wall to possess someone on the inside, but discard this idea believing it would be nearly impossible for her to do this without being seen.  Another idea:  starting the systematic slaughter of the pilgrims outside the gates until they were flug wide and the army of Bello rode out to deal with us was discarded as too 'noisy'.  Ultimately we decided it was worth a shot to attempt bribery.  We certainly have plenty of cash, might as well give it a shot.  Gilly was nominated to try some silver tongued wizardry.  He was gone for quite a while – I never found out what happened.  All I know is that someone threw a cow at us and he came slinking back a short time later.

Continuing to scratch our heads, I had a moment of Inspiration.  Perhaps the damaged sections of the wall might offer us less resistance to rushing the main gate head one.  While we might well need to do some fighting to get in, the resistance and defenses would be minimal, comparatively.

We decide to march around the wall until we find a caved section that has been filed with rocks and debris.  The four of us decide to take point and lead the army over the wall personally.  As soon as we set food atop the wall, an alarm sounds – much like my failed attempt to enter at the main gate.  This time, however, we had time to prepare a counter attack.  Drax went beast-mode and pretty my single handedly took down two full units of guards as the rushed in to investigate the alarm, my new army was able to pick off the rest without issue.

I was anxious to get off the wall and into the city as quickly as possible.  I wouldn't do to keep setting off alarms and have the full might of the Goods come down on us while we are vulnerable.  The way of Landrew is to work from the shadows.  Pitched battles have their time and place, but neither have yet come:   While the guards were distracted by the combat, i slipped over the wall with some ropes and made some runs for the rest of the army to slip down quickly.

While I am coordinating the infiltration of the army, Gilly runs into a mouthy old man.  I'm not sure what happened over there, but I think he did a vampire thing.  He says we need to return for him in a days. 

Just as we are getting everyone assembled, we can hear the approach of a large war machine.  Drax has a great idea:  we don't know where we are going, and we aren't exactly going to do it stealthily with a small army marching the streets.  Time to cut these guys loose and let them do what they do best:  cause as much trouble as possible.

I issue commands to the army.  They are to disperse and cause as much mayhem as possible.  We want security forces in town running around in every direction trying to figure out what is happening.  Burn, pillage, murder – all in the name of Landrew (and Vecna and Raj).  I instruct them to do these things, but not be reckless with their lives.  Their lives belong to me, and I am a frugal god.  We will be searching out our target under the cover of their distraction.  The signal to come together will come in the form of the Pain Bow and the Lewd Bow.  When they hear/see these signals, they are to converge for the Final Battle.

We all looked on proudly as the scurried off into the night.  A basement ale house seems to catch our eye, however and several of us feel drawn to investigate.  Inside, we seem to be seeing versions of ourselves as we were when we first met all those months ago.  As the others mingle in, I notice that Gilly is striking up a conversation with "Ragnar".  While our Ragnar has not been traveling with us for some time, we have sorely missed the use of his Amulet of the Planes.  I decide to try picking this "Ragnar's" pocket – the pocket from which i have seen Ragnar draw that amulet so many times.  Wouldn't you know it, I am able to pluck out an amulet without his notice!   Shortly thereafter, the entire room shimmers and we ourselves alone.  I examine the amulet and find it to be The Amulet of the Planes – only this one has a weird shimmer and only seems visible in the shadows.

(to be continued)

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Session 39

Party continues to train, organize and outfit and army of 131.  Gillly drains some prey under the bleachers.  The army marches on Belloman and sets up camp just out of site of the city.  A large camp surrounds the city as entry is heavily regulated.  Steve, indulges in the metallic leech – it almost gets out of hand.  Landrew tries to sneak in and quickly finds that she needs to retreat.

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Session 38

Landrew POV

So it's like this.  Godslaying is hungry work.  The rest of my group has moved beyond the needs for such biological necessities and oft time they forget that there are those of us who still have a reliance on such things.  Mentioning to Raj this fact, she is eager to spend some time exploring her newfound powers.  She arranges for a shower of frogs to rain upon us.  Fat ones too.  This is about as close to home-cooked meal as I could get so far from the Bog.  On point.

After I am fed and rested, I suggest to the rest of my companions that perhaps we should sever the head of Eremnon and travel to the realm of The Smith, where we can offer it with our thanks.  He had previously offered a reward to Ragnar and Myself for her death, and we had noted that his halls were lousy with the finest weapons.  Everyone agrees to this course of action, so we make ready for the journey.

Raj spends some time with her temple, and further explores the nature of her new powers.  She also abandons her vessel as it is mostly broken at this point.  I use this time to reconsecrate the Temple of Belo in my name.  I then decide to quickly pop back to Little Wallop and return with a few settlers and a member from The Order of the Rope.  The settlers are commanded to begin refitting the temple as appropriate and making repairs to the villiage.  Should any of the original residents return to <s>Hautvelt</s> Gallows, they are to be given 3 options.  They may adopt Landrew, Raj, or The Smith as their personal deity.  Gallows is to be a 3 deity town, the forth option is The Rope.

After things are settled, we travel back to Little Wallop and inspect preparations for our march on Belloman.  Thus far, we have managed to amass a small army from amongst my followers.  I leave further commands before we depart that they are to be outfitted with short bow, spear, and dagger.  Simple weapons, that will allow them to deliver my Word from a distance.  Appropriate rations will also be prepared for the journey.  I've instructed a few suits of bone-armor to be prepared for the sergeants using whatever is available.  It would be nice if we had more time to properly outfit and train, but war is waged on it's own timeline.

The bog boats I had commissioned some time back have been completed.  The ornate nature is impressive work, I make a note to myself to properly reward those responsible.  The new boats allow us to speedily cross my realm, giving some small advantage on time.  As we press thru the mountains beyond, we begin to find inclement weather approaching.  I gather my cloak about me and we try to push through but it ultimately becomes too much, especially with odd birds circling in the skies above.  Raj suggests that we climb a tree for warmth and protection from the approaching snow storm.  Is she high?  Clearly the powers of her new station have scrambled her mojo.  While the two of us argue in the snow, Drax digs a hole in a snow bank and beacons us to enter his makeshift igloo.  Good idea or no, it seems a better alternative than arguing in the middle of a snow storm.  

As we rest and try to ride out the storm, we begin to hear loud crashing noises and strange voices.  Never have a heard such things before.  Raj has not yet selected a new vessel – she decides to float up through the snow bank for a look at what is going on.  Two Frost Giants are hurling death at one another and we are caught in the middle.  She makes her presence known – Boo.  The giants leave in a hurry – losers.

Digging out, we find some winged birdmen have taken exception to our presence and are attacking.  I loose an arrow with my Lewd Bow hoping the display will scare them off.  No such luck.  While one drops from the sky, the others being to press on.  An unfortunate side affect of the Lewd Bow is the unbelievably loud noise which triggers an avalanche.  We got lucky on that one, but I decide not to risk that again.  I lift Raj's Pain Bow from Steve's back and let a few more bolts fly, two more drop from the sky.  It seems I'm the only one who is able to do anything at range, so i make ready to loose two more arrows.  In a colossal stroke of bad luck the bow slips from my hands in the icy weather and begins to careen down the side of the mountain.  Raj is going to kill me.  I abandon the battle and pursue it with a singular focus.

Before I even realize what I did, I find myself skating down the slope on my heels.  Thankfully, the training I received at the monestary has made this only a small challenge to my sense of balance.  I am overtake the bow as it tumbles down and then channel my ki to aid in coming to a safe stop.  Looking up to the top of the mountain, I see drax finishing off the last of the bird-men.  Whooo, close one – we hit the road.

As we enter the realm of The Smith, I begin to recognize our location.  We press forward, receiving some odd looks by his minions until we are told to stop.  I exclaim that we have an appointment with The Smith and will see him now.  Drawing forth the severed head of Eremnon, gasps of shock give way being led on to his presence.

The Smith was quite please and more than a little shocked that we were able to accomplish what we did.  After some negotiation, he agrees to give or craft for each of us an item of our choosing.  Giving Steve the Coward a glare, I tell The Smith that our friend here is really into some weird kinky stuff, and would love a metallic leech.  For myself, I favor small blades.  The Smith describes something that sound like sissorfingers.  I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds awesome.  Drax begins to describe something that sounds like a boomerang, only it shoots napalm and sounds like valkyrie??  What's napalm and sounds like a what?  Trying to puzzle out what that even meant, i missed what Raj had selected.  Looking forward to trying out our new toys.

Back to the bog.  Next stop – Belloman.

 

- Signed Landrew, Goddess of the Bog, Hand of Vecna – His Divine Shadow.

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Session 37
A new god is born

Landrew POV

… (continued from Session 36)

Picking up from our battle with the boar, my companions and I opt for a quick break.  I’m not sure why, but some of them felt compelled to harvest meat from the beast.  With the exception of Raj’s vessel and Drax’s toadie – I’m the only who eats.  Works for me though, I do love pork belly tacos.  Trax also manages to freeze a hunk for later.  One we go to find our way out – well, i’m looking for a way out.  The others are convinced that the black armored figure we battled was not the Lady Wild.  Given my lack of ability to control my surroundings, I’m beginning to believe them.

We make our way back around and ultimately come upon a clearing.  Within, we find humans with extremely baggy pants.  There seem to be several families present.  Gui and I adopt a clever rouse to approach them for a better look without sending them into an immediately fight or flight mode.  I galloping out with an invisible horse, gui tucks in behind clopping coconuts – boom delighted children come a running.  They indicate that they are servants of Eremnon, I try to convince them first that I am Eremnon, and next that Eremnon is dead.  With a look from Billy, he communicates that this needs to be a moment of deceit – understood. 

Drax approaches the group and draws everyone to the campfire with promises of magic tricks.  “Gather around kiddos, we’re all going to put out this fire with the power of our minds…good, closer…closer…close your eyes…” And then a flame strike  strikes the entire group.  They are not pleased at all.  Turning towards Drax, he launches into an extremely convincing argument on how it’s their fault the trick went bad.  I can’t believe these rubes are buying this crap.  He convinces them to try again, only next some kind of cold strike seems to hit.  They won’t be fooled a third time, game on.

I’m caught a bit flat footed, still floored by Drax’s ballsy maneuver.  I find myself a bit mesmerized but am able to Still My Mind and shrug it off.   By the time i get into the fight, it’s largely over.  Drax went into some kind of rage – heads started flying everywhere.  I did notice, however, a woman come out of the cottage on top of a hill.  Unless Eremnon had a sister, I’ll bet this is our prey.  I sprint forward quickly to close some distance and a silence spell on her.  That should keep her from at least throwing too many spells at us while we are dealing with the mop up on these hooved humans. 

Eremnon runs back into her cottage and gets beyond the range of the silence spell.  At that moment, I notice that a large rock creature has come out of the ground right in front of me.  Glancing to my right I can see that Drax is running the wrong way.  Suddenly I am very aware of the fact that i’m standing by myself in an open field next to a giant rock monster, time to make some space…

I retreat back to the wagons and pull out my Lewd Bow.  The rest of the group begins dealing damage from range while Drax get’s his shit together and rejoins the fray.  It doesn’t take much; we are able to put the thing down in a few moments.  Turning our attention to the Lady, we climb the hill and surround the cabin she has entered.  After some investigation, we find it empty with a trap door leading to…?

She won’t get away that easy.  Throwing the trap door wide, one by one we slide down the ladder and find ourselves in a narrow tunnel.  We make our way down, single file, until we are blocked by some kind of thicket.  That thicket messes up Drax pretty badly – we take a moments rest to down a few healing potions before moving on. 

At this point, we catch up with the Lady.  She holed her self up behind more of her minions.  The rest of my companions, being in front of me, engage them in battle.  I’m not keen on being tied up in hand-to-hand battle while a god slings bad news our direction.  Seems like a perfect time to try out a new maneuver I have been practicing.  Drawing my Ki about me, i channel this energy into a shadow right before me into which I silently take a single step thru the shadow.  On the other side of the shadow, I find myself 60 feet away, directly behind Eremnon – and she is none the wiser.

I unleash The Rope.  Between the surprise of a rope being suddenly found around ones neck and the advantage of stepping out of a shadow from behind, this troublesome god finds herself in real trouble.    Unable to aid her minions as the battle my friends, the tables have now turned.  As her consciousness slowly starts to fade, twice her struggles almost find her free.  Only thru the divine inspiration Vecna has granted me in my role as his assassin am I able to maintain the chokehold.  Even still, she does manage to flip some kind of web over my head.  I feel an odd sensation at first, but then feel right at home with the web.  No big deal at all.  In fact, I can’t imagine not having this web – the entire concept of such a thing is completely terrifying.

Eremnon finally loses consciousness finds herself face down on the ground.  Raj, seeing an opening, looses a Coup de Gras from her Pain Bow.  As the light extinguishes from Eremnon’s eyes, I see a new light begin to glow behind the eyes of Raj’s meat suit.

 

(to be continued)

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Session 36

Landrew POV

We started the day recuperating from wounds received in the Battle of the Bombles.  Since we were pretty much on top of the mountain already, a quick reconnoiter seems to be in order.  Reaching the summit we are able to see the Bog behind us, a vast forested area off to the West.  To the North and East are endless mountains.  A dark smoky column rises in the distance – could that be the domain of The Smith?  Enough speculation, the time has come for us to return to our duties.

The journey back to the bog is uneventful.  I arranged for Drax’s minion – that douche that just sat around during our last battle – to enjoy the full compliments of the bog as we trudge back.  By the time we arrive back in Little Wallop, he is pale, sickly, and covered in leaches.  His eyes seem to be asking me for help, but mine reply back with only menace. 

A messenger arrives in the village, the horse soon dies from exhaustion (good, more tacos).  He brings word that Belo has been reincarnated in the capital city to the South.  It seems the time for a final confrontation is upon us.  I command my loyal worshipers to make ready for a march.  Everyone who can be spared from castle construction is to gear up and make ready for war.  While preparations are under way, we will take care of some unfinished business with the Lady Wild. 

It’s a real drag not having a proper pancake dinner before hitting the road – I decree that a new chef must be found.  A pancake contest is initiated, the winner to receive my blessings, whomever finishes last – my scorn.  A winner is located, still a sorry excuse for a pancake, but we must make do out here in the wilderness.  Billy makes a nice lunch from the loser.

Off we go to Hautvelt, just a short blink away.  We decide to just jump right in and forget any silly plans.  I leave a few parting words with my people, which they dutifully records for all time.  “Thou shalt have the highest quality pancakes” and “The way of Landrew is one of immediacy.  It is best to dash in headlong”.  Arriving in the town, we find it completely deserted.  I spark up the first again in the Smith’s Temple and toss in a note, letting him know our intentions.

Into the forest we head, soon coming across a path which leads to the left and to the right.  I examine the area closely and have found, without a shadow of doubt, that we must go right.  My comrades in evil, fools that they are, believe that we need to go left.  Are they blind?  Is it not obvious?  I easily convince them of the wisdom of my ways, we proceed down that path to the right.  After a brief time, we come across a log traversing a stream.  It is guarded by none other than the Lady Wild.  She looks shorter and more masculine then I would have expected.  I didn’t expect her to wear black plate male either, seems like leather would be more fitting a forest god – no matter.  We engage in combat and are able to dispatch her easily.  As I separate her head from body, I feel the new powers of the forest infusing my being.  Easy Peasy.  Not finding her horde of loot, we continue down this path.  It isn’t long before I am required to put my new powers of forestry to use.  We come upon an impenetrable wall of briars.  I will them to remove themselves from our path, and am not at all surprised to see a path open before us.  Damn, it’s great to be a god.

Continuing down the path, we come across, what I assume is The Lady Wild’s old familiar.  A large boar with a neck that is four feet thick.  That battle is quick, and relatively easy.  So easy that I am suspicious – better safe than sorry, we sever the beasts head and mount it on a spike.  I rip the tongue from hit head and feast on its bloody flesh, as does Billy.

<To be continued>

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Session 35

Landrew POV

After securing the next generation with the children we stole in Hautvalt, we are left at a juncture.  Clearly, the Lady Wild has revealed herself to be Eremnon.  We have become quite familiar with Eremnon over our adventures together.  The goddess of the 'not yet farmland' has crossed and insulted those we have have come to know as our allies in the pantheon; playing the civilized against the primal.  We have resolved to address her manipulative perversions of the natural order, however it has been agreed that this must be done while we are in a peak state of readiness.  

Raj, Drax and I have discussed amongst ourselves the best course action, and stand ready to meet Eremnon with the assistance of our comrades.  Sadly, Ragnar has gone on one of his frequent vision quests and left us without his Spirit.  My comrades and I spend a great while dithering over our various options.  Clearly our desires lack the vision on what should come next.  Hopefully Ragnar shall return with those answers.

We ultimately decide that additional assets will be needed to take on Ermnon.  Several options are discussed, but we find ourselves slaves to the drudgery of long distance travel.  It is decided that we should attempt to explore the shortcut available to us through the Bog.  I bring us back to the bog for a quick reprovisioning stop.  Unfortunately, we are forced to settle for bad tea from the old man and mediocre coffee from our zombie barista.  We really need to level that barista up and get a new baker for the pancake shop.  It's a simple matter at this point to shuttle personnel back and forth from Hautvelt to Little Walop.  During this time period we are able to drain the town dry of every last coin, cup, wine b
arrel, tool, and piece of straw, all in the name of Landrew of course.  Further, we are able to construct 40 additional healing potions with the Pariapt.

We set off back thru the bog in the direction we last encountered the wolves in the forest.  As the bog has grown, this has become quite a slog.  I leave a note for my underlings to build boats.  At least 3 – built for traversing the bog.  The poles were to be intricately carved - we'll see how well they have studied their craft.

Eventually we make it thru the bog and into a place that feels more alien to me.  This feels like a good place to break camp with my fellow mortals:  Daryl and the other Daryl?  We prepare a fantastic feast with a pheasant that Raj has shot out of the sky with such precision, that it
practically lands directly in my pot ready to cook.  A few cranberries, logon berries, and other herbs i am able to summon from the lands aids in making a fantastic stew…. It also aids in causing a distraction for a bit of trickery i was able to accomplish – more on that later, diary.  

Onward we press toward the mountains.  It becomes clear that we are not only followed, but pushed into the mountains by dire wolves.  We try to circumvent, but find ourselves trapped.  We decide to travel up the mountain, but eventually find ourselves find facing a beast, one described to me in my youth at the temple as a bumble?  My whatever the case, we lay it on easy, but ultimately find the pathetic snow beast joined by a sizable dire wolf pack.  I am able to easily dispatch not only this beast beast, but a great many of these filthy animals.  Unfortunately, their numbers prove a bit much and i and gravely wounded.

 


I am awakened some time later, feeling both less and more than myself.  The remaining wolves have been destroyed, the others have been tending to my wounds.  I encourage my comrades that we rest and recover before breaking camp.  I guess Raj will be needing me to watch her bow until she can find a new host.  I'll grab hers and find where I dropped mine as well.

Note to self, the douche that was supposed to be serving Drax but instead just stood around needs to be disciplined.

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